Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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