I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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