Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
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If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
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I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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