We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
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i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
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Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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