i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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