have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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