Ketchup is God's man juice
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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