there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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