Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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