I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You smell like stripper and shame
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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