My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize