meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
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She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
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He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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