Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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