So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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