if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
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Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
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Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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