So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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