im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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