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fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
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