My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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