i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize