We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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