she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
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I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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