So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I just had sex on a roof
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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