i permit you to call me
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
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Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
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I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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