I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize