woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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