I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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