i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
You are a genius and a whore.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize