Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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