Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Actions speak louder than pants.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize