I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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