Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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