I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize