What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize