Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i've created a new STD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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