Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
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Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
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Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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