he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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