I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
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I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
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This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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