An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
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We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
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It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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