Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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