If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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