Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
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You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
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It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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