I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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