goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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