I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
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I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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