omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You need a sexual gate keeper
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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