The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
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so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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