wake up i wanna do it froggy style
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
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work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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