she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
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I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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