there was a trapeze. enough said
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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